The Allure of Pain
by SilverMikazuki
Summary: God that's a terrible title... sigh... well I promise that the story's better than its title! ...not that, that's saying much, but it is! Oh and it's yaoi palletshipping, so if you don't like - DON'T EFFING READ! Thanx!


**The Lesser of Two Evils**

A Pokemon Story

A Palletshipping Story

Talking _thinking_ Narration

**Author's Notes: **Alright, so to star off, let me just reiterate, if u don't like yaoi, shounen ai, boy/boy, w/e you want to call it, just click the back button right now and don't read on. Anyway, this particular plotline is one I thought up in one of my many daydreams. Although in the dream it wasn't actually Ash, Gary and Paul… it was kinda me, this kid I have a small crush on and his douchey partner. But enough with that lol just read the story and let me know what ya think! Oh… and Pokemon and all it's characters are not mine.

**And ONE last thing. I reeeeeally suck at writing titles and this is no exception! So if anyone has any ideas, please FEEL FREE 2 tell me!**

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It's been months since I'd seen the kid. And apparently a lot had happened to him; making it to the top four in a pokemon tournament is an impressive feat. So here I am, about to see him. Should I congratulate him? Nitpick every little error and make fun of his eventual loss? Maybe the best idea is to wait for him to talk to me? Or I could always go for the direct approach…

Sighing loudly to myself, I walk slowly towards the doorway, behind which I knew Ash would sitting, laughing with his friends, recounting his battles. Finally, I firm my resolve and… knock on the door.

"Hello? May I help you?" A blue haired woman asks.

"Yes, I'm Ash's… er, friend. I was, uh…" I mumble, forcing myself to keep eye contact, though something tells me my shoes would be extremely interesting right now.

"Oh! Gary! You made it!" Dawn cries, waving to the lady to let me in. "Mom, this is Gary Oak, remember I told you he'd be coming?"

Ah, I suppose the woman was actually Dawn's mother… I guess the hair should've tipped me off.

"Right! I forgot," She answers. "Well then Gary, please make yourself at home and let me say that I'm a big fan of your grandfather."

I smile, replying, "Thanks, I'm sure he'd appreciate that."

Stepping into the home I notice a few things – like the mother's own prowess for contests and the familiar smell of Brock's cooking – but more importantly was what was lacking.

"Where's Ash?"

Dawn places a finger to her chin in thought, "Oh! That's right, he's outside with Paul. I hope they don't get in a fight or anything…"

"Paul?" I ask quickly.

Who the hell is that?

"Hmm, I guess you've never met Paul, huh? Well you're not missing anything. He's kind of a jerk… and Ash's rival here," The bluenette responds sighing under her breath.

A rival huh? Well no one is, was or ever will be as large of a rival as me. That's for certain.

"Thanks Dawn. I'll just go see Ash… be back in a flash." I mutter, all but sprinting towards the door.

I'm halfway through the door before I hear Dawn yell behind me. "Ooh! A poem! Just another Oak classic!"

At least that put a smirk back on my face.

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"Nngh… P-paul stop. N-not here… uhn."

W-was… was that Ashy-boy? And if so what could possibly be happening? With my nerves fraying more every second I hurry along the side of the house towards the sounds. But as I approach the corner, only feet from my childhood rival… I slow. I need to know what's happening before I go any further.

"Why not?" A male voice says – it's sound filled with smugness and a certain frigid air.

"B-because… my friends are right in**side**! _Nngh! _Paaaul… st-st… shit…" Ash mumbles, his voice spiking as he spoke.

What could they possibly be doing!

The other voice scoffs. "And if I don't want to? Are you planning on stopping me?"

His voice fills with venom at the finish of his sentence, and a small whimper escapes Ash's lips. I can't hold myself any longer. Sprinting forward, I turn the corner and run face-to-face with my old rival… and his _new_ _rival_, Paul. The latter of which has his hands all over Ash, but I don't dare place them.

"G-gary!" Ash yelps, swatting the hands away and looking at me with a shocked stare. "I just… we were… it wasn't… I…"

"An explanation isn't needed…" I mutter, my gaze focused squarely on the purple haired freak that must be Paul. "Paul, I presume?"

"That's right," He responds curtly.

The three of us stand in silence, not moving a muscle, until Ash finally steps in to soothe the flames.

"So uh, I guess we should go inside… r-right Paul?" He says, looking his… whatever.

"Hmpf, I'm leaving," The teen answers, turning and starting off.

"B-but Paul!" Ash begins, but the purple haired trainer was gone before he could make a case. "What did… you see?"

I turn back to Ash with an eyebrow raised, "Enough."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"…"

"…"

"You… are you going to… tell them?"

I blink, "Who, Dawn and Brock? About you and… your…"

"B-boyfriend, Paul…" Ash mutters.

Boyfriend. The idiot's gay and I don't even get to enjoy it.

"Boyfriend. No. I won't say anything if you don't want me too, but tell me… how long have you been… with him?" I ask quietly.

"For awhile… I'm not entirely sure."

Vague and unhelpful as always. Thanks Ash.

"And you're alright?"

"Alright?" Ash repeats.

"Mmm, I heard a cry," I explain, looking him up and down for any excuses… signs of injury.

Ash colors, his eye contact wavering. "Ooh… I uh… Paul gets like that sometimes, but he would never… I mean… yeah I'm alright. Can we go inside?"

"Yeah… okay."

AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa

I'm actually shocked by the party sounds that assault my ears as Gary opens the door. In fact… I kinda forgot there was a party going on at all. I guess I'm just kinda shocked by Gary's appearance. Not to mention that, that was definitely not the way I'd planned to tell him I was gay… not that I was planning to tell him or anything… just ah whatever.

"Where's Paul?" Dawn asks suddenly, dragging me out of my thoughts.

Oh shit. What do I say? WHAT! "Umm… he uh, just…"

"He left after I showed up. That guy seemed like kind of an asshole," Gary interjects, a smirk on his face.

I glare for a moment, but Dawn's there, so that's all I could afford.

"You're telling me! That guy's the worst! He's stuck up and rude! And he's always provoking Ash into stupid fights," Dawn recounts her lip pouting a little.

"Hmpf… sounds kinda like you're describing Gary," I mutter, grinning inwardly.

Take that Gary Oak. But the researcher only chuckles, feigning a wounded face as he clutched his heart.

"Ooh, that hurt Ashy-boy," He replies. "I thought we were over our little squabbles. You know I only did it out of love."

He winks at me, but if it was an attempt at getting a blush he's out of luck. My face turns red, but out of anger – okay so technically it was a success… but… shuddup.

"Gary Oak, I don't ever remember feeling the slightest inkling of love any of those times, in fact all I remember was furious anger. Just like NOW!"

And with that, I storm out. I hurry up stairs, leaving Gary and Dawn in a slight shock. How dare that… that… that **idiot**! He just… this is just like before. Always like before… I… and within seconds I pull out my phone, dialing the number I knew now by heart.

"P-paul?"

"Hm."

"C-can… can you come back? Please I'll… I mean just please?"

A small laugh exits the receiver before his answer. "Yeah… alright. I'll be back in ten minutes. Be waiting outside."

I frown lightly. "But… I can't just leave…"

"Then why are you calling?" He asks immediately.  
I look down at my hands. Why? I don't…

"Ashy-boy! Are you up here!"

The familiar voice echoes up the stairs and makes my hand clench with anger.

"Alright. I'll be outside."

'Click'

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Ugh… I'm here less than twenty minutes and already I've made Ash angry! Can I not just control myself! …around Ash? No… I can't. That's the whole problem.

I sigh to myself as I head up the stairs, my call to him having been fruitless. But just as I get halfway up, the aforementioned trainer comes bolting down, pushing his way past me without a word.

"Where are you going?" I ask, grabbing his arm before he could get all the way past.

He pulls it free. Surprising… I never pegged him to be strong at all.

"Is that any of your business?" He spits back.

I sigh. "I guess not… I just, wanted to apologize. I didn't mean to upset you."

His face softens a bit. Probably because I can count on my fingers how many times the two of us have apologized to each other.

"Well…" He mutters, staring down at his shoes. "I may have overreacted a bit… but… why would you insult Paul like that after I just told you? If it's all in the past why are you still doing it!"

His eyes are shining with pain and anger. Shit… I really hate that look. It's the look I had to endure every time I saw him, those long, _long_ years ago.

"I'm sorry Ash… I can't… I didn't…"

I try, but I can't come up with anything. The answer is… because I'm jealous. But I can't tell him that… right?

"Whatever, save you're excuses," He says, hurrying down the hallway.

I should probably have stopped him them, said something brilliant and then swept him off his feet, but… I didn't. And now I'm just standing here in shock. Shock at what I said. Shock at what he's doing. Shock and the fucking asshole he's dating. Shock.

My ears are working however, and in the next room I hear Ash say, "I'm sorry guys. I have to go, but… I'll be back, okay?"

The door closes as everyone says something in affirmation. I walk into the room and, the vast majority of eyes turn to me. I shrug it off and sit at the table, but I'm pretty sure the damage is done.

"What happened? Brock asks, not looking up from the pokemon he's nursing.

"I'm not sure…" I reply truthfully.

I really don't know.

"He'll be alright, won't he?" I ask.

"Well… I would usually say yes. But the last few times he's gone out himself he came back… a little battered and bruised," Brock answered, as if he was talking more to himself than to me. "I asked him what happened, but he only insisted that he fell doing a bit of training. I guess that's possible… it just seems peculiar."

I can feel my eyes widening with each word that left Brock's mouth – my mind connecting the dots. I've only been back maybe fifteen minutes, but I understand, completely. And before anyone can say anything else, I run out the door. I run and run and run, but pretty quickly it's obvious that I have no idea where the fuck he is. My knees buckle and I topple to the ground, my fist digging into the dirt in anger. Wait… no! I can find him! I jump up and reach behind me, grabbing a pokeball and throwing it into the air.

"Arcanine!" I shout. "Sniff out Ash! Remember Ash!"

The large canine rolls it's eyes, as if to say, well of course… you never shut up about him. I think about retorting, but it's a mute point. And I have to find Ash. I jump on and he takes off.

"No time Arcanine," I whisper, leaning and holding on for dear life. "Use extreme speed!"

The forest outside Dawn's house becomes nothing but a blur as we race by it, but soon we've stopped. And my eyes refocus on a small cottage among the trees.

"Good work Arcanine," I coo, leaping of the fire wolf and putting him back in his ball. "Take a rest."

I run down towards the house, listening intently for any signs of Ash. A second later and I hear one, but it's not what I wanted. It's definitely not what I wanted.

"NO! N-no! P-paaaul – hnn – stop! Oww! Fuck! Aah! Paul please!" Ash screams.

I kick open the door and my eyes begin to boil in their sockets. Ash lies helplessly on the floor, his face in his hands as Paul sits atop him. The purple haired boy raises his fist for another strike, coming down with all his strength. But just before it hits, my hand grabs his arm, pulling him off the younger trainer below him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" I yell, throwing him into a wall.

He smirks. "Whatever I want."

My fist balls up and I pull back for a punch, but I'm stopped before I could start.

"NO! Gary no! Please… he doesn't… he doesn't know what he's doing! It's not his fault… I was bad… please Gar," Ash pleads, standing up weakly, holding his side.

His eyes are pleading and my fist falls to my side. He smiles at me, and takes a step forward, but winces under the pain and falls to the ground. A laugh. A fucking laugh. Ash falls to the ground, clutching his side and I hear a laugh from behind me. Without another thought my first connects with his face and he goes flying back into the wall, sliding down as he hold his cheek.  
"Not so tough are you asshole?" I breath, still seething with anger.

Ash moves to make a plea of some kind, but I walk over and calm his fears of me attacking his _boyfriend _further. I pick up my old rival and head out the door, calling on Arcanine to get us back to Dawn's.

AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa

When my eyes crack open all I see is Gary, bathed in a golden light. Another dream? Why? I thought… I guess I never will. Suddenly, memories flood my mind and I bolt up, coughing hysterically immediately afterwards.  
"Lay back down Ashy…" Gary whispers, moving to help me back.

"Paul! You hit Paul! Is he okay! W-what happened to him! You hurt him!" I struggle against his hands but they hold firm and I'm forced back down.

"Paul's fine. I had Brock go check on him when we got back," Gary says calmly, though he refuses to look at me. Why?

"Gary… why did you… I mean, what made you…" I ask curiously.

"Brock told me about the last few times you went out _yourself_," He answers, obviously hinting that I was with Paul. "It didn't take long for me to connect the dots and see what was going on."

"What was going on?" I continue.

"Paul's abusing you Ash… and you're… you're letting him."

I glare at him, but he still refuses to look. "He's not."  
"Then what the fuck do you…" Gary starts, a fire burning in his voice. But he takes a breath before finishing. "Then what were you doing when I found you?"

"We were just…"

I stop. What _were_ we doing? I… I'm not sure I know the answer. I… he was… comforting me… he was… he was there.

"I don't know. But he wasn't _abusing _me." I finally respond.

"Ash…" The auburn headed teen sighs. "He… he broke your rib. He gave you a black eye and I'm sure a lot more."  
"They help." I say before I can stop myself.

Finally he looks. "Help with what?"  
My eyes are shaking, and the blackened one stings with the tears.

"With my pain."

"Him causing you pain, helps with your pain?" Gary recites.

I nod. "This… it's better than being alone. Then… the everything… it's better than… than…"

"Than what Ash?"

"Than…"

"Than?"  
"T-than…"

"What's it better than Ash?"

"Than what you put me through!" I shout finally.

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"W-what?" I mutter.

How? How is this… how is what I put him through… the teasing… the taunts… how is that worse!

"B-because…" He mutters. "This heals. This'll be gone soon. That, what you said. The times you told me I would amount to nothing. The times you laughed at what little I'd accomplished. That… that's always there…"

A small gasp leaves my mouth. "I… Ash I'm so… I'm so sorry."

He laughs lightly and turns away.

"Ashy-boy please… let me explain… please!" I cry.

He says nothing, so I continue.

"Ash, I… I wanted you to succeed-"

He laughs and I wince, but keep going.

"I wanted you to push yourself, and I knew the only way you'd do that is with me as your goal! And after our break… it was all I could do for you."  
He looks over, the one amber eye wavering with uncertainty. "Then why the break? Why'd you leave me?"

The hard question. Why.

"Ashy… I was going through a lot then. And I… I didn't know… h-how to cope…"

"Cope with what?" He asks, prying further.

"Cope with my feelings. Cope with what I felt every time I saw you…"

"Disgust?"  
"NO!" I shout, probably too loud. "No! Of course not! They were… like… feelings of warmth… of nerves…"

Ash says nothing, but his eyes beg for more.

"They… I… I love you Ash Ketchum. But I was too young to admit it to myself, too young to understand what I was supposed to do. So… I ran. I ran and I hurt you… I'm so sorry Ashy… I really… really… sorry."

I've poured out my heart. I showed him everything and now I sat at the edge of his bed, crying… begging for his forgiveness.

'smack'

I look up in astonishment, my hand nursing the newly wounded area. "Ash?"

"You're… you're… so… STUPID!" He yells, tears running down his face. "And damn… now you've made me cry… it… it hurt to cry through a black eye you know!"

But even with the anger… with the tears soaking the pillow, he's grinning. A Cheshire grin sits on his face and among tears I see relief.

"Gary Oak," He giggles, "I hate you. I hate you so much… so much, that I love you too."

Now I'm laughing too, tears running down my face, as I hold his hand.

"What about Paul?" I ask, holding my breath for the answer.

"I think I can live without him… his love… hurts a little too much," He jokes and I laugh more, leaning into to kiss him.

Hmm… if I'd just done this those many years ago… I wonder where we'd be.


End file.
